Sarah Joy Zell

I found my book!

2011-07-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

Oh yes!

I have been intellectually hungry for a book or teacher that could address my physical yoga practice while also acknowledging my spiritual lineage and academic passion. The Heart of Yoga by T.K.V. Desikachar rocked my world today. So rewarding to read the work of a man who devoted his life to intellectual study and physical practice, and acknowledges that these things can be used as a tool to bring our lives closer to God every day.

Not only that, but coming from a background in Literature, I crave gracefully written words as the medium for the information that is coming across. This book lovingly and thoughtfully explains a personal path and body of knowledge, transmitting it smoothly through well-written prose. I am smitten, and inspired, and thirsty for more.

Thank you T.K.V. Desikachar!

Shortest line to a farmer

2011-07-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

In my family we have scholars and writers, pastors, entrepreneurs. These are the people who often get remembered in history: they write their own name and mark their own lives, they make a memory or a legacy that can be written and passed down.

What of the farmers? Every family must have farmed at one point. Must have turned to the earth for sustenance for themselves, and likely for others, where the earth of one was better suited to grow one thing that was then traded for another.

How far back will I have to go? I can feel my ancestral heritage coming alive as I watch the fine cornsilk poke its head out to be fertilized, eat greens and munch tomatoes grown under my very eyes.

We will have to do some family storytelling to find out.

How far is it for you?

Solstice!

2011-06-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

The longest day of the year and I am loving it!

Woke early, watered the plants deeply so they can soak up all the rays without passing out.

... and what better way to celebrate the sun than to hang all my clean laundry out to dry? Everything was almost dry before noon.

Showed lots of skin to let my body make all the D it needs.

Now an afternoon of providing bodywork and practicing yoga.

Thank you, sun, for shining today.

coming back to natural

2011-06-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

For about eight years I used to pluck my eyebrows veryvery thin, creating an arch that always said, "oh yeah?"

Now I only shape them the tiniest bit, allowing my face to express itself in a fuller and more natural form.

The funny thing is that they don't grow back all the way. I can still see the sassy teenager and early twentysomething saying, "I can create myself into whatever I want!"

That is part of me too, part of my natural history, visible in layers.

Coming back to our true selves can take a long time, and it bring scars and changes that we integrate in to the new normal.

Can living our dream be good for our health?

2011-05-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

On first glance the answer is yes, it must be.

Right? If I am in the sweet spot of doing what I love and making a living doing it, I would imagine that my anxiety and worry would decrease, my skin and hair would glow, and my relationships would improve in direct response to the calm feeling of contentment I would have from making a positive difference in my community while putting my skills to use.

So why does it sound so stressful? I listened to a conversation of three journalists today who are each doing exactly the work they were cut out to do. They talked about the junk food they eat while rushing to finish a story, or the fact that they drop whatever they are doing to cover an important story, and how they are often rushing from place to place. It sounded horrible, and exactly like the kind of thing that would destroy a person’s day-to-day health, lower their quality of life, and shorten the length of it to boot.

The thing is, these people are glowing. I’m sure they could all integrate healthier practices into their lives, just like we all could, but I’m not sure they would be healthier with a more predictable schedule. We were each made to thrive in a specific milieu, and it’s up to us to find it.

…and then be as vibrant as we can be.

convicted

2010-11-23T10:05:00.000-08:00

Why is it that we so often do the very thing that frustrates us most in others? One thing that I admire most is that people practice what they preach. My confession is that I have not been doing that, in fact I've actually been doing the opposite. In short, I have not been getting regular bodywork. Let me explain:

Here's what I preach: I encourage my clients to get massage regularly. The structure of my massage practice is to work on fewer clients more often. After four years as a massage therapist I see how regular bodywork can allow for lasting, sustainable benefits for Western people, so I offer steep discounts for folks when they come in for four bodywork sessions over two months. This is working great: people are coming in regularly and integrating the work deeply in to their systems, letting their bodies trust that they are supported.

In the meantime, in practice I am not getting work regularly! I more than anyone should know that regular massage helps our whole system work by watching it affect the lives of my clients. I also know from experience that getting massage consistently helps everything in my life work better: less tension, more mental clarity, more vitality!

This confessional post is to hold me accountable: I will spend the next few months exploring different practitioners and modalities, and then settle in with one therapist and go on my own journey from the receiving side, which will only make me a better practitioner, and a better liver of life!

integrating

2010-11-22T14:11:00.000-08:00

I am aware of many blessings: I am practicing a blend of shiatsu and Thai massage in my beautiful home studio in Santa Cruz, I am studying the human body from a Western perspective in Biology and Health Science classes, and I am preparing for graduate school in Public Health.

It feels like the wildly divergent aspects of my life are coming together. Things that always made sense to me as part of a balance life manifested themselves in disjointed workweeks: a couple of days each in massage therapy, low-income public education, and farmers' markets. Now I get to research and write about how large-scale cultural trends in diet, behavior, and the spread of ideas manifest themselves along a spectrum of health and dis-ease among populations. In that time I will keep practicing bodywork, and then have the privilege of sharing the information that my education has given me: living it with a lifelong self-care practice, and spreading it via education and written works about how to live our best possible life. It's all coming together!

I will move from speaking from what has worked in my own life and experience to a position of what has worked to promote health in bigger groups. I am aware of what a shift like that might mean: that for a minute there I may begin to say, "now EVERYONE needs to do this or that." I am also trusting that the amount of time I spend checking in with my intuition and my body to make the right choices in my life (see what do you want?, make a joyful noise, and pretty much anything else I wrote in 2008) is going to pay off in being able to move through that phase into one that says, "statistically, a community should be doing X, and how can you see if that is a good choice for you personally?" I will constantly approach new bridges and find new options for synergy in my own life and philosophy, as well as opportunities to try on divergent mindsets for different occasions until I see how and when to employ one or the other.

Integration. Education, purpose, renewal. These are the words that are coming in to my mind as I sink in to Fall, and continue on my path.

Final Months

2010-04-27T17:02:00.000-07:00

At the end of this summer I will move to Santa Cruz and continue my journey as a student and practitioner of the healing arts. I have been deeply nourished by my time in Oakland, both personally and as a massage therapist. Over the last four years I have had my studio and massage school less than a mile from my home, and I have sunk in with my neighborhood. I have only two months left to practice massage here and share with the community that has taught me so much, and it is with deep respect and joy that I am practicing here with you.

Thank you for a lovely ride, Oakland!

Sarah Eve

oh yeah!

2010-02-26T12:21:00.000-08:00

I rode 29.2 miles on my bike yesterday. All I needed was an excuse to do it, as it turns out. I was registered for the solvang half century just a few days ago, and though I know it's just two weeks away, something tells me I will start the race and I will finish it. If I can ride 30 miles without going further than the grocery store for almost six months, I know I can go 50 with a few long rides under my belt. Here goes nothin!

On the up and up

2010-02-13T16:54:00.000-08:00

Like a weight lifted, I can breathe again. Even though so much is still to be decided for our future, one thing is finally solid, and I can build a structure around that.

Who else do you know who has lost jobs? Who else has had their plans changed dramatically in the past two years? I would love to share stories of hope and healing.

At first it felt like, why write? Why write if I am not speaking from the centered, grounded life that feels the most comfortable to me? Why write if my life is all over the place and nothing makes sense?

This is the juicy moment though. Remember that early post, into the pain? In the difficult moments is where I learn the tools to do well at life. What is working? What feels off? Why do I think that is? What are my natural healing mechanisms?

Sleep. I have been going to bed at reasonable times and staying in bed for hours and hours after the sun has come up. My body is using this time to get into some deep rest and have some bright, vibrant dreams, so much easier for me to remember in the morning. Even as a niggling voice is suggesting, "start getting up and doing something in the morning!" as long as I'm NOT getting up, I might as well get the most out of it. I figure at this point I have two options: sleep in and feel guilty about it, or sleep in and feel amazing every day, grateful for all that luxurious rest. Which one sounds the healthiest to you?

Herbs. I love to incorporate herbs in my life: fresh ones in salads and cooking, and dried ones in teas or as seasoning. It feels good using potent medicinal foods as the things I would otherwise be eating or drinking anyway. Last week, though, I went to the store for two tinctures to use for the sole purpose of making me feel better. One to soothe my racing heart and mind and one to lift my spirits.

Sun. My new home has a patio with direct light every morning, and I sit with my toes in the sun and soak it in.

Things are looking brighter.

travel

2010-02-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

I am on the craziest adventure I can think of: move out of a beautiful home we couldn't afford in Los Angeles into my husband's parents' house for free rent in a city I had never heard of before I met them. Nothing but a possibly impossible plan about where we'll be next, and when, and how we will finance our lives once we get there.

I am very nervous. Very excited. Looking to share my stories as I go and also worried about being too much of an online Diarist who shares too much of the intimate. Fear and worry are powerful things. I can be brave. I can be kind. I am strong.

more to come?

the in between

2009-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

hours after work and still hours until the party. no reason to start getting dressed, yet no reason to start on another project, knowing that Staying Out Late is a big expenditure of energy. it's like the space between breathing in and breathing out. when we're full and ready to move on in a moment. content, and also excited.

my other car is a bike

2009-12-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

I get frustrated when I drive a car around Los Angeles. I feel simultaneously blessed to have such a useful resource to move me and my belongings around. I want access to the car in this freeway culture. I want to log a much higher percentage of my miles by bike.

I am wasting time thinking up scenarios where I don't have to drive so often anymore. They usually involve moving closer to my job or finding a job closer to home. Either possibility is frightening, and foolish since I know I will do neither in the immediate future. I still turn my wheels, spending energy dreaming up a reality that doesn't exist. (My house magically moves itself out west! My job miraculously moves 5 miles inland after 15 years in the same location!)

Then I dream about carpools with bike racks and other more plausible plans, but those, too, are hard for me in a city where I don't know a huge amount of people like I did in my old Home. Resource sharing takes community building takes time. I am not a patient lady. I want what I want now! Change! I would probably be the perfect revolutionary: constantly sloughing off the present in hopes for a more functional future. I know though that there are certain things I am not willing to risk, certain comforts I don't want to put through the process of change. I want to hold on to certain things: my husband! a home! a laptop! Take away everything else and leave me these. ...and maybe our cat and some cute clothes and good books and my old diaries and photographs... Once I really look deep I wonder how much I will gamble to really have it all.

And all the time I dream away, maintaining status quo at home. Dreaming of short, easy commutes by bicycle as I drive my minivan into the sunrise.

pick up books and read them

2009-10-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

"pick up books and read them"

That is the message I am getting: read! Find out exactly what you want to learn, get the book, and read it.

I have spent the last three or four years in a long, luxurious break from books, getting most of my information about the world from living in it: from I move around, engage in conversations, observe and work in the garden, take hands-on bodywork classes, sit in meditation, etcetera. It has been a wonderful break for my academic mind, and even as I was in it I knew that the time for study would come again.

My excuse for a long time was that it was wasteful to spend money on specific books I wanted to read when there were so many books around me: I could go to the library, borrow them from a friend, or even pick them up from the sidewalk in front of people's homes. Now the desire to get exactly what I'm looking for in knowledge and information presented as well as writing style has led me to exactly what I want to read. Inspiration!

just finished Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

next: Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore

adrenalized

2009-07-21T19:38:00.000-07:00

go go go go!

I am going through three major life changes right now: a move, a marriage, and a new job. Any of the three of these would typically be enough to throw me off or knock me out for a good long while. How am I able to handle all this? How is each major push of force and adrenaline not followed by the requisite crash? Among other things, there are instinct, desire, delayed gratification, and humility.

I think I'm learning how to ride the wave of adrenaline. Everything is in such a state of transition around me that it I can learn to expect to work abnormally hard and I can remember to rest and regroup before absolutely necessary because it is obvious to me that I will have to work abnormally hard again in the near future. I can feel my instincts taking over a little bit: demanding more sleep in the morning, craving specific foods, demanding a silent meditation time. I listen and respond and I am rewarded. I feel alive and effective in the world!

Another driving factor is motivation. Every one of these new things is something that I want and that I can feel are for my own benefit and therefore for the benefit of the world (one good thing brings out another, I find). Having the drive to move all my worldly possessions, or do interpersonal work with my partner, or make lists and email and text and meet up to prepare for a celebration feels easy because these tasks are an obvious part of the good that is happening in my life.

I listen to my instincts, I want the change that the work is bringing about, and I know that there is an end in sight. My partner and I have scheduled a long break where we have nothing to do except for rest and replenish ourselves, and take time out to sink in our love for each other. Knowing that after the push there will be a relaxation time makes the daily effort feel like something fun and special, not an endless drone.

The last and most important reason I have been able to keep working so hard is that I have help all around me. Knowing that there is so much change and transition happening in my life all at once, I have by grace learned how to accept help from others. When someone offers me help I normally like to say, "oh no, I got it" and move on. Recently I say "yes!" It is sometimes followed by "...and I'm not sure what yet," since I am a relatively new Help Acceptor, usually though, I can share the work. Ask my friends, I am accepting generosity every day! It is a fun and exciting practice. I am becoming available to accept the help that is offered to all of us at all times by strangers or the folks we know and love. It's always somewhere. We can find it.

I can learn to accept more help and become a part of a culture of increasing interreliance! I can schedule times of rest after the heavy pushes in life. I can move when I know what it is I really want. I can listen to what my body is asking me to do and ride the wave.

This is a fun time.

transformation

2009-07-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

Right now I am looking a new life square in the face: new job, new city, new marital status, new mode of transportation, new name!

How will it feel? Will the new motions I do every day (hold the phone a different way, sit in a new chair, interact with a new living environment) lead to different strengths, weaknesses, and flexibility? Will my body language and facial expressions change as I participate in a new culture? Will my muscles learn new patterns of holding and letting go?

I am ready for a change. It would have happened whether I moved or stayed in the same city, I can tell. How exciting, though, to be able to do it all at once! No expectations of friends and communities to accidentally or subconsciously live into. A pretty blank slate.

New!

range of e/motion

2009-06-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

When we stretch our bodies, sometimes we believe there is a certain limit to how far we can go in any given direction. Then sometimes, we work with a great teacher or we experiment on our living room floors or just sitting there and we realize that there is room for more openness, even in us!

Often what happens in those situations, when we find space and motion in our bodies that we didn't know we had, we have an emotional breakthrough too. Different schools of study have found that we hold on to emotional memory in different parts of our body. We don't stretch it out if we don't want to go there. When we stretch it out we find ourselves experiencing more.

I can imagine my body free from all the blocks I pretend I have: capable to move in any direction, fast, strong. If I can do that, I realize there is a possibility to imagine my emotional self that way: capable of moving through different stages and ways of feeling and work with them and use these different emotions with skill and care. Skillful the same way a talented athlete hones their strength toward precision.

If I can imagine it, then it's a possibility for me. More range, more options of how I feel and react. More types of strength to meet more types of situations.

just sit there

2009-01-06T14:58:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to the desert, and there I am going to sit for a total of ten hours a day for ten days. A hundred hours, sitting on the floor.

My body will probably hurt. I have no idea what else will happen.

While I'm there I will also not be talking, reading, or writing. I will have no verbal outlet for the train of thought in my mind, so I imagine I will learn to quiet it, and focus on things other than words, like how I feel and where I am right now.

Maybe. I'm not even trying to guess. It might be the opposite of what I expect, as is always a possibility.

changing and staying the same

2009-01-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

For so long I identified as A Free Little Bird, a swallow/"golandrina", and I would fly wherever I wanted and listen to my instincts and learn from life all the time. Now it feels like all of a sudden I have this big ol' house and these amazing housemates and my little plum tree and I just don't want to go ANYWHERE. Thank you, Universe, for that. I get to sit and press my roots as deep down as I can, and draw up the life and nutrients that come from Sinking In. I have made new relationships and sunk more deeply into older ones. I feel like my little world could nourish me forever right where I am and I would continue to grow and be challenged and all of that forever.

Except for the fact that the time for change is coming. The call to action actually came a couple of months ago, but I listened to the call of Unfinished Business and I have decided to start my metamorphosis while staying in place, then moving away once the sun thaws me out a bit.

Adventure!

Why do we go? Why do we ever stay? How do we know when is the time for each?

Sometimes I know how to Listen: listen to my own body and emotions, listen to the plants and people around me. More often though, I simply worry: worry that things are not quite right, that there must be something more Awesome out there. Worrying, I will tell you, totally gets in the way of Listening. This time though, Life stood up and smacked me across the head and said, "Get a move on, girl, you're ready for something new now!" and I was like, "Daaaaang, World, alright already!" and that, basically, is why I'm moving. That whole conversation took about three months. Like I said, I'm working on listening.

Again I ask: why do we go seek adventure? Isn't everything we need to know right here in front of us? In our own mothers and fathers, in the food we grew up eating and the air we have always breathed? I would say yes, it is. For me, changing my context simply means that I can suddenly See and appreciate all those little things that I always took for granted at Home. The subtle different reminds me how special is the Mundane. I guess it's just time for a reminder, to awaken my sense of Wonder at Everything.

At the same time, in a way, this coming adventure will be a journey towards Home, and not away. Even though I will move away from the people and places I most identify with as a part of me and as my community, I will be moving far closer to the land I walked and rode a bike (and mostly drove in cars) on in my childhood. Closer to the culture of Image Awareness and Fitting In I so easily dismissed as a younger woman, and now am looking forward to engaging with and Looking at square in the face.

What will happen to my Path as a healer and a lover of Health and healing and human bodies? I have lots of guesses, and lots of plans, and lots of acknowledgement that my life is not my own and I don't need to hold on to it so tightly if I don't want to. I will keep learning, I will keep growing, I will keep touching other people and stay open to the movement of the Creator in my own little life and in Life all around me, and all of us will see together what happens to each of us, okay?

Life is exciting!

outside

2008-12-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to me how different it feels to be out in "nature" as opposed to the city. I forget when I don't get out of the concrete that there exist places where a person can dig a hole or build a beautiful pyre out of found wood to light a fire. Next thing you know, my friend and I were making up songs in two part harmony. We get to express our creative selves in other ways in the City, but sometimes it just feels right to use my arms and legs to walk and carry and let my creativity come out in ways other than pen and paper or a cute outfit.

Right? The Outside reminds us who we are on the Inside. Or something. Let's go play!

training

2008-12-29T12:03:00.000-08:00

I have agreed to ride 100 miles on the back on a tandem bike on March 19.

I know from experience that when I start training for a specific event, suddenly my body means something very different to me. This machine that carries my soul around and allows me to make contact with the world and other people transforms into a machine that must endure a certain physical challenge. This is special! This is different! Especially in this case because every pound of my body is an extra pound which my brother will be carrying. Let me explain.

My brother has offered to basically pull me along on the back of his tandem. That fact makes this event distinct from the couple of races I've competed in (some runs and a sprint triathlon) because in this one, I don't have to do anything but sit there if I want to do. Here's why: both my father and my brother are going and my brother is too fast a rider to have fun riding this race with our dad and his friends. These guys, let me explain, are strong. They're far stronger riders than I am and may ever be, it's just that my brother is even faster. So my job is to make my brother's job a little harder by sitting there on the back of the bike. Easy right?

Well, I still need to sit there for six straight hours, and I still need to keep my feet moving all that time. So, if nothing else, I need to train for endurance. Plus, I want to help. I might as well do something if I'm going to sit there all day.

So two things are going on: I have an event to train for, and I am going to become a lighter creature. Crazy, right? I have the option of changing the size of my body. With all of the thinking and meditating and writing on the mind and body and spirit and community all being connected, this brings ups some interesting implications. I'm still wrapping my head around all of it, and I will keep you posted as I go.

For now, what's coming up for me is being seventeen years old. That's the last time that I thought of my body in terms of how many pounds it weighed. The lightest I ever remember weighing was fifteen pounds less than I think I weigh now, though it has been about a year since I've measured my weight. And in a little over two and a half months I plan on weighing seven pounds less. Crazy! I need to go find a scale.

What does this have to do with bodywork, then? If nothing else, it gets my consciousness into my own body in new ways, which allows me to connect more deeply with what is going on in the bodies of my clients and the people around me. I can see that my body today is not ready to ride a hundred miles on a bicycle and at the same time I understand that I can and will make it ready by diligent work over time. So I understand that the body is not stuck in its current situation. When I am working with a client on moving through a specific painful tendency in their body I hold the understanding that we humans are capable of change and not doomed to remain exactly as we are (frightening though that may be). That pain in your shoulder or back or neck or jaw or wherever that you think of as part of yourself or "just the way you are"? Guess what, it's not. We can keep it there if we want to, but we have the option of realizing that it's our choice to do so. We can move from weakness to strength through training and we can move from pain to free movement through similarly applied work.

As always I start by talking about the body with the understanding that this same idea shows up everywhere. In each aspect of our lives, we are in training for something. Whether we consciously prepare ourselves or not, each choice we make sets us up for the next challenge: every experience gives us more tools we can use to meet the next situation life hands us. There are times to actively train and times to actively perform and times that are a little of each. Right now, for me, I train.

life

2008-12-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

We are all alive! and we were teeny tiny babies once.

I remembered this on Christmas Eve while holding a three day old baby, born just shy of six pounds: his trunk hardly bigger than my two hands cradled together. I could still see the ridges between his individual skull bones. I felt countless different pulses move as his blood, craniosacral fluid, lymph, and everything else buzzed around, helping him make sense of being Outside.

And Inside there, inside his own little body, every little organ and system for creating, healing, and sustaining life is already fully formed and functional.

It's so easy to be amazed when it's all brand new, but that's all of us. We're doing it: being in the world! What a miracle!

drawing in

2008-12-22T10:36:00.000-08:00

The winter solstice was yesterday. The nights are as long and the days are as short as they're going to be all year. Starting today, every day will be a little bit longer than the last.

And I'm cold.

Around this time of year, every year, I start to pull in my sphere of influence. I am in the house more often, or in my neighborhood, and spending more time with my most intimate friends and less time making new ones. I work less, talk on the phone less (and post in my blog less too, right?).

I used to wonder, "Man, what is WRONG?" and now I realize, nothing. If anything, I've begun to wonder why the heck we try as a society to continue to act as if nothing was happening. For example, why would you go to work for eight hours a day when there are only nine hours of sunlight to soak up? We humans are part of the world, part of this planet, and this planet just happens to be one that has seasons. Times of growth and times of rest, time for bikerides and time for contemplation. Within each one of the seasons there are times for each, but in my life I notice that certain seasons make for better times to focus on different activities and aspects of my life.

Winter is down time for me this year. Working less time. Also, danceparty time (somewhat surprisingly), and live music time: getting close with the folks I'm close with. Reminding myself to let people know I might not follow through on that plan we just made. Eating lots of root vegetables. That's my pattern this year, and honestly, winter caught me a little off guard this time around. It took me several weeks (months??) to adjust from my late summer self. Maybe by writing it down and sharing it with you I can make that mental note and remember to stock up for the winter and look forward to the long, cold days of rest and waiting for the sun to return.

Because it's wonderful, winter, and if I'm here living it, I must be living it for a reason.

make a joyful noise

2008-11-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Every moment of every day you are carrying around, even walking within, a musical instrument. Your whole body - from your toes through your pelvis and abdomen, then up through your throat and the top of your head - is a singing, breathing machine.

Feel it: everyone who can speak is singing. The noise we are making with our mouths is the product of all the cells in our bodies joining together to make a sound.

That procedure called singing heals us too. Whether we sing for joy or sadness, the sounds and vibrations move through our bodies to express what's really going on for us, and in turn shake and rock the painful or stuck parts.

A few nights ago I was singing with some friends and I felt so tight in my neck. I couldn't think of how to help it let go of the clench. Another singer shared some tools she has learned along the way: let the sound come from your lower body and the throat can just allow the noise to pass through, and most importantly: sing until it feels good. Use the singing itself to make singing feel better.

After practice I went into the garden and just hummed and groaned and sang and allowed my music-making body to relax into whatever sounds it wanted to make. After some good solid time with that, I heaved a sigh and knew that it was time to get up: what good work there was to be done was done.

I felt relieved. My throat more relaxed. Just as importantly: I felt like I had expressed whatever it was that needed to be expressed and I didn't need to hold it back through tight neck muscles any more.

I still have work to do: my neck, jaw, and upper shoulders is the area of my body asking for the most care and attention right now, and that healing session just scratched the surface of letting go. Often, though, scratching the surface is the hardest part, and after that it can all pour out.

It feels good to know I have that singing tool in my toolbox for health.

Now you: sing or hum (especially hum!) or chant "om" whenever it feels comfortable to you. Then see if you don't feel better.

what do you want?

2008-11-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

How do you want your body to feel, what do you want your life to be like? I'm not asking what you don't want: "I want such and such a pain to go away" or "I want such and such a person to stop being so selfish", but what you do actually want to see happening in you and around you.

What does feeling good feel like? What does a good relationship feel like? How about a life-affirming diet or a joyful workout routine?

What exactly would that be?

Feel it. Imagine it all day long. Act as if you already have it. Then when it does, we'll know a good thing when it comes along, we'll be ready for it, and we can integrate it into our lives.

It can be slow if we want to, but let's go get what we want.

if you can touch, you can heal

2008-10-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

A few people have asked me questions that might be answered in the following framework:

Let me teach you a little about what I do.

The offering: you come in with someone you trust and want to make feel better. I give you or your partner a massage/bodywork session*, explaining what I am doing and the choices I am making as I go along. One of you gets the kinesthetic educational experience from feeling the work, one gets the visual educational experience of seeing it, and you both get the audio/intellectual experience of hearing it. Both of you now know a little more about how to touch to heal. Come next time if you want and switch places.

Same price as a regular massage ($70 for an hour $90 for ninety minutes). The talking is free.

Come and see!

*Let me remind you that a number of the modalities I practice have the client fully clothed. Based on what you wish to learn, we can do a Shiatsu/Reflexology/Craniosacral bodywork session entirely over clothes. That way the receiving partner can still sit up to speak if they wish and we won't have to spend time on the more complicated skill of draping the sheet as it is done during Swedish massage.

be on your path

2008-10-22T12:13:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

I don't have the answers.

On rereading this blog, the tone of some of the posts struck me as if I thought I was sharing some kind of universal truth. Which is funny, because I don't believe in universal truth that any one person can know, and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't claim to be its speaker. I am writing to share what is working in my own experience with health and healing: in my own life and that of my clients, friends, confidantes, and family. My truth may be helpful to you, or it may not, and you, my friend, are the judge of that.

Your experience of what works for health and healing in your life will be different than mine. I am interested in yours just as I am interested in mine. I want to share and I want to learn as much as I can, always taking new information with a grain of salt, and integrating what resonates for me into my understanding of the world.

now:

A family member of one of my closest friends just got in a car accident and was severely injured. All of a sudden I have no ideas as to what would be best. Except to pray and to support my friend who is supporting her loved one.

Let's all get better as best we can, okay?

love from,

eve

beautiful

2008-10-21T12:53:00.000-07:00

Maybe beautiful on the inside takes work too.

I grew up in a culture of high image consciousness, and in response to this, my friends and I decided to be beautiful. We spent time and energy learning how to look attractive to others and then putting our new knowledge into practice: styling hair, painting finger- and toenails, applying makeup, plucking eyebrows, wearing the right clothes, and just as importantly, making sure that it all looked natural and lovely and like we had just fallen out of bed looking so incredibly good. It took a lot of time, but it was worth it for the smiles and "isn't she lovely"s we got from the people around us.

Over the past couple of years it has become just as important to me to be beautiful beneath my skin: to have healthy cells that make up healthy muscles, bones, and viscera. To be calm and at peace in my mind and with the people around me.

As I started to spend more time and energy into these goals, I realized that I didn't have time for both sides: to focus on the inside and the outside all at once. I would catch myself in a mirror or (worse!) in a photograph and laugh at the girl I saw who looked just like a human, and not some fascinating and inspiring walking art project.

The longer I go on this healing path, though, the more I realize two things:

1. There is indeed time for both. Since I have decided to live an urban life and surround myself with people and what I think are their expectations of how a person should look, I can take the time and still play that game. Even though I'm usually still not willing to go to all the effort on preparing my personal appearance, I can feel that there is time to take care of myself and have fun with how I present myself to the world. Sometimes it will mean a little give and take with where and when I meditate or stretch, but I am finding that there can be room for both if I'm willing to be creative.

2. The health coming from the inside can actually make us more beautiful on the outside. People see and respond to the colors and shapes of a healthy human: that is ostensibly why we're wearing that makeup in the first place, right? It's a tricky one, because I know that I would not be comfortable to roll out to a fancy party with my comfortable massage/bike riding clothes on and smile and say, "don't I look pretty?" but there is something to it. Often the clothes and the hair are a signifier that we care enough to do a lot of work to get ready for an event, but what about the countless hours spent becoming centered and well?

Chances are very good that I'm not the best one to prove this second point. That the little experiment of my own life might never lead to the same results that having a great "look" used to get me. Somebody can though. People that I know: you can see the peace in their heart and the joy in their life and even the alignment of their spine and you know that they are beautiful indeed.

Give it a try: just take a little bit of all that time and energy you put on your outward appearance and apply it to the inner You. Whether that means time for rest and reflexion, preparing a healthy meal, stretching in your living room, getting bodywork, or whatever else you know you need. Do it, and see if it doesn't shine through for you. You'll be a little healthier, and maybe that health will make itself known on the outside too.

how to get what you want

2008-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

After writing about all the wonderful things that getting a massage can do for you, I want to add more about how to help receive those benefits. For some of us it is difficult to fully appreciate a massage because we don't have a lot of practice in how to relax: and letting go is always a practice.

Safety and Comfort:

The one and only way to activate that "rest and digest" mode of operating in our body, the only way to let our muscles release pain and tension, and the only way to feel that increase of creativity is to be in an environment where we feel safe and comfortable. Some therapists are wonderful at creating that environment while others are not, and some clients are wonderful at getting into that state very easily while the rest of us need more support.

Make sure your body is comfortable

We can always wiggle and move when receiving massage. If our arm or leg or neck is in a funny position, we should move it until we are in a position where we can rest completely and allow the table to hold us up instead of feeling like we need to use our muscles to hold ourselves perfectly still. The more we can relax into the table, the easier the therapist's job is, and the more healing work we can receive. Even if we are receiving very high pressure, deep work, we need to be able to relax completely to let it in and get the benefit of the release.

It sounds obvious to make sure our body is comfortable during a massage but I can't tell you how many times during the first several massages of my life I used to wonder to myself something like, "can I move my arm yet?" but not do it because I thought I was supposed to be perfectly still the whole time. Not true! Move until you are comfortable, and then let go.

Ask for what you want

A massage therapist is working on you because they want you to feel good. So if you are distracted by the light, the music, the angle of the headrest, or even by the way the therapist is working, please, on behalf to all therapists let me beg you to say something! A wonderful therapist on their best day will ask you all those things, and keep checking in with you, but sometimes we get so deep into our rhythm that we forget. Ask! We want you to be comfortable at least as much as you do, and even though as a client you may not want to muster that initial energy to say something, the result will be a more pleasant and relaxing experience for everyone.

That is especially true about asking a therapist to change the way they are working. Feedback like, "Could you work lighter there?" "I feel like that area has had enough" "My right calf needs some more work" or whatever you want to ask for is only going to make the therapist's job easier in creating a relaxing environment for you.

Very rarely a therapist can be defensive: "Well I know it hurts but you've got to get that tension out of there." In that case, it is the client who is right and therapist who is wrong. Nothing in a massage should hurt in a way that makes you want the sensation to stop. There's the therapeutic pain of, "Wow, that's a lot; I really needed that," but if something feels too deep or too fast to the recipient, then it is, no matter what the therapist might think. In the rare case that a therapist doesn't want to respond to your feedback, feel free to calmly and lovingly end the massage. Any spa or massage professional I have ever met will gladly refund your money and/or reschedule you with another therapist who will be a better fit for you. That way you can get into that safe, comfortable mode and receive the full mind/body/spirit benefits of having a massage.

Make all the noise you want

If you need to laugh or heave a deep sigh of relief on a massage table, or even shout in surprise or burst into tears of emotion, just go on ahead and do it. The energy we spend by holding back those noises just helps keep the tension in place in our body instead of letting it go. By making the noise, we allow ourselves the chance to heal, and we give our therapist a better understanding of the healing that is taking place.

Take the deep sigh, for example. That often seems to me to be the very sound of tension as it leaves the body. So by making that sigh, we are encouraging the muscle to release as well as sending a reminder to our conscious mind that something important is happening, which will allow the muscle to maintain that relaxed state longer. Another thing sighing does is send a message to the therapist about when, where and how we let go of tension. This communication allows the therapist that their work is effective as well as giving them clues of how to keep working on you most efficiently.

Any noise you make helps the body release and heal and also sends feedback to the the therapist about what is working in the session. Give it a try.

Even if you have to fart! It's honestly better to just do it than to hold it back. What happens when we get on a massage table and start to relax is our digestive system starts to work more properly than it did before, so that's why so many people feel they have to hold back gas. If it helps you to giggle or mention it to the therapist, go ahead, but trust me, they've experienced it before, and they know how to deal with it. Once you're not clenching the cheeks of your glute muscles, you'll be able to get a better massage and the therapist won't have to spend the whole session wondering, "I wonder why I just can't get this client to relax." I know it sounds silly, but it's better than spending an entire ninety minute session in agony.

Move and get comfortable, ask for what you want, and make all the noise you need. Then let go, and let your body heal you from the inside out!

get a massage

2008-10-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Get one. It's so obvious, right? The benefits are numerous, and many can't be articulated in words, but let me do my best to describe what happens when we get a massage:

Time to let the body heal:

First off, there is the simple fact that for a whole session, be it ninety minutes, or sixty, or fifteen, there is nothing we have to do but receive. What a relief! The less we can actively "do" during a massage session, the more fully we can reap the benefits of what we've come for. This practice of not-doing activates the parasympathetic nervous system/puts us in "rest and digest" mode, and from there our body can do what it was made to do: move food and fluids effectively, and scan itself for areas of infection or dis-ease in order to flush out weakened tissue. We are self-healing machines! All we have to do is give ourselves time to do what already do well. This leads to better digestion and a healthier immune system: more protection from the flus and colds that attack our friends and co-workers.

For me, that right there is enough, and there's more!

Freedom from pain:

Another thing that happens during a massage is areas of tension in our muscles break down under the therapist's hands. This is probably the most commonly shared phenomenon while receiving massage. That feeling of pressure going over a speed bump in my shoulders and then noticing that the speed bump is gone. Substances such as lactic acid can move from being locked up in my soft tissue to moving freely through the body as they should. Suddenly I feel light and flexible in areas that had felt tight and painful.

Enhanced creativity and better insight into problems:

When we take a break from worry about our cares and responsibilities, our minds are free to come up with new and creative ways to solve the puzzles and problems of our lives. When we know that we are safe, a new form of insight can come to us, even if it doesn't happen on the table. It may be days or weeks later, but after we've had a chance to let go for a moment like we can on a massage table, a formerly impossible situation may suddenly seem to resolve itself, the solution is so obvious.

As I write and reread this, it feels like I'm making unreasonably marvelous claims about the benefits of massage, but the only reason I say these things is that I've felt it happen in my own life so many times, and I have watched it happen over and over in the bodies, minds and lives of my own clients. I have seen how the simple act of attending to the health of a person with my hands, or receive that kind of work, simply makes my life better. I feel healthier and free from pain, I make better decisions, I have more fun in my body.

Go get some work. And let me know how you feel.

yawn

2008-10-08T11:55:00.001-07:00

I have been thinking about the "breath" post and how it takes so much effort and concentration to actually focus and release like that, and how rarely we stop and take the time to do it.

One release, though, which we can't avoid no matter how hard we try, is a yawn. The air forces itself into our bodies and demands that we take in the oxygen and let go of the tension and toxins, if only for a moment.

The next time you yawn, I invite you to feel the release that comes directly after. It comes the most strong in the head and neck: feel it open up, find the tightness, and let it go.

You know how yawns are contagious? Thinking and writing about it I just caught one. Pass it on.

dance it out

2008-10-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's interesting to me that the culture I know has all but lost the art of dancing with specific steps. In my experience one has to go way out of their way to find a class or a space to do this, and then the demographic seems to be a group of people holding on to the past and there will hardly be a new, young person there to learn and carry on the tradition.

Dancing with steps is awesome. So is studying yoga or a martial art form. Training your mind and body to move in ways it otherwise would not otherwise consider allows us to stretch and grow in the possibility of what we are capable of.

Dancing without steps is also awesome, especially as a compliment to a more specific form. This is what you find at the dance clubs, rock shows and house parties I've grown up with. A DJ sets a framework by choosing certain songs with certain beats, and then everyone at the party simply moves their bodies... oh, wonder!

Rather than forcing or training the body, what freestyle danceparty dancing allows us to do is let go of our mind and let our body figure out what it needs. Do the shoulders need to be shaken out? Does the tailbone need to dislodge itself a little from the lower vertebrae? Do I want to bend and strengthen my legs? Get my hands on the floor to breakdance and retrain my vertical thinking? Do it! Even: Do I want to get close to another human or define my personal space more widely with the use my arms and movements?

Now I've heard that once one becomes highly trained and comfortable within a certain dance or form, following the rules of those moves can actually also lead to similar release and freedom. For now, as I awkwardly study my form, I am glad I can always go to a dancefloor and shake it out with an accidental, intuitive movement-based healing session.

Shake it.

rates and times

2008-09-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hello friends,

An informational post:

My new confirmed studio days are Mondays and Tuesdays. The space is on the third floor of a chiropractic office full of healing and health in the "Pill Hill" neighborhood (named for its many hospitals) near Lake Merritt in Oakland.

I charge $70 for an hour and $90 for ninety minutes

For October, because I am so happy and grateful to be working in my new space: You can book three one-hour sessions (as far in advance as you wish) for $150 and three ninety minute sessions for $200.

For always: You get a free massage when three people come get a full price massage from me by your suggestion - a "thank you" for three referrals.

And a note: the reason that I do this work is so more people in the world will be healthier, more comfortable in their bodies, and more integrated in their lives and communities. If you are ready to get some work and don't feel you can afford it, please talk to me. I offer a limited number of "community rate" massages every month for a sliding scale in order to serve the artists and other public servants who contribute to our planet with less financial compensation. Sliding scale rates are $40-$60 for an hour and $60-$80 for ninety minutes.

Come get a massage, right?

Bless you!

into the pain

2008-09-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

What hurts? Is it in your body? A certain part, or the whole thing? Your emotions? Your racing mind? What is hurting in you?

Go there. Feel it. See what the pain is trying to teach you. Every single time we feel pain, it is a gift from our body (or mind or emotions); pain is a lesson to help us learn how to solve the problem, because it pinpoints where the disfunction is taking place.

Please note, I say that pain itself is a gift, and not the object, action, or activity causing the pain. If we believe that "such and such a person or situation" is causing you discomfort in our life, we can choose to focus on precisely what that discomfort feels like rather than on what the outside problem is. Often when we do that, we find that there is some simple change that we can make ourselves that will allow the pain to stop entirely.

Sometimes it is a painful action that is required to bring about feeling good: it could be ceasing to do certain activities that store tension in the body, quitting a job, or changing a communication pattern in a relationship. Once done, though, our bodies and hearts and minds can come to equilibrium and we can begin to heal and feel good again.

Listen to your pain. See what it has to tell you.

accidentally gardening

2008-09-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

On top of the bodywork, stretching and moving, breathing and praying, working and sitting in the garden is a huge part of what is working in my life. It's crazy too, because I wasn't raised with this. I can't tell you how to make something stay alive, let alone how to nurture a plant from a tiny seed into something that I can eat for dinner. Regardless of how little I know, I'm doing it. We will harvest squash from the front planter in a few days.

Plants just want to grow; all we have to do is give them space. The reason I have squash and cucumbers and a sunflower and melons growing at my house is simply that they decided to be there.

Here's the story: I spent all day clearing out an invasive plant from a plot in front of my house. Once it was gone I covered the dirt with some compost from our backyard, then covered the compost with leaves for mulch and thought to myself, "Well, I'll get around to planting that bed later. At least it will have some good nutrition in the meantime." I then forgot entirely about it, and two weeks later I had a vegetable garden! The seeds left in the compost put down roots and sprang up as volunteers. Volunteers! Free food! You should see it, it is lush and green and healthy and exuding life, abundance, and generosity.

Nature is growing and regenerating and providing health all the time. Health for the soil and health for humans in the form of nutrition and cleaner, wetter, more oxygenated air.

Nurturing edible plants is part of the human condition for survival. The fact that we feel we don't know how to do it is just a symptom of our over-specialized social hierarchy. The plants have something to offer us, and all we have to do is listen. Caring for food plants connects us to the earth that nourishes the plants themselves, and somehow, too, it is connecting me to myself and my potential and my ability to be free.

You know the feeling of eating a strawberry or tomato right out of your own yard or that of someone you love? Or eating a basil leaf off a plant growing in a pot on your kitchen table? Even such simple acts can be almost ecstatic. What is it about growing it yourself that draws out the flavors and textures so gracefully?

What we put in to our bodies is what we get out. You can put in commitment and attention and gratitude for the nonsensical giving energy of the soil or you can put in hurry and avoidance and savvy marketing in the place of substance. (Another "nutritious" brown bar in a bright, sealed baggy?)

There is a whole lot of in between here, obviously. I'm not telling anyone to stop eating something that works for them. Just try to put something homegrown in your mouth and see how it feels. Taste the love of the person who cared for it. See if you can imagine yourself putting your own love into a plant and then eating its fruits. Love is good for everyone.

breath

2008-09-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

In school we learned that when we breathe, the air goes in to our lungs, fills them up, then goes out, which is true. What is also true is that it doesn't stop there. Our whole bodies can fill up like a little balloon with every breath we take and then on the outbreath, we can let go of just a little tension. Every single time.

Our bodies are about 70% water, right? That water can flow freely around the bones in our bodies and the other minerals that make us up move freely floating in the ocean that each one of us is. If you've ever watched waves crash around the legs of a pier or a boardwalk, or seen a river bouncing over stones, you know that water can always move and flow.

So every time you take a breath, you have the option of thinking about your body as one little water balloon. Just like when you blow a little air into the top of a water balloon the whole balloon stretches on all sides, when our lungs fill up with air that fullness spreads out to our head, toes, and fingertips. Then when we breathe out we can feel release of tension all over our bodies.

We are always accumulating tension in our bodies, and that's why we are made to continuously let it go. Since each breath fills us up completely, we can find the areas where it is difficult for the breath to move through, push gently against it, then let go when we breathe out.

Tension then release. Our bodies love it. You know that feeling after a sneeze or after you go to the bathroom when you really needed to go? Even the feeling after a tight squeeze of a hug. There are other obvious examples of tension and release in our system. Total surrender. Every breath is an opportunity to let go that much.

Take a long, slow breath and feel it move past your hips, knees, and ankles down to your toes. Then let actively let it go. Another breath fills up your rib cage, chest, and shoulders then moves down your arms. Let go. The third moves up and allows your whole neck, jaw, face, and skull to loosen in the subtlest way. Release. If we were brilliant we could do this in all three directions every time. Since we are human we practice and trust our bodies to do it for us.

We breathe. Nature provides the release.

relax

2008-09-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

It takes a lot of work for us humans to get tension stuck in our bodies. We have to hold ourselves in uncomfortable positions for hours at a time for weeks in a row in order to create a pattern of holding where our bodies feel like they can't relax or can't get rid of the pain on their own. Same things with our lives. We have to allow a pattern of making certain decisions or communicating in a certain way or making certain mistakes to happen over and over until we feel like "this is just how I am" (or "...just how they are" or "...life is") and we don't see a possibility for anything to change it.

So why don't we just stop? Why don't we get unstuck? What's so hard about just letting go?

Relax.

It sounds like it should be the easiest thing in the world. Just don't clench your jaw when you sleep, just don't tighten your butt cheeks when you're angry, just don't hold up your shoulders when you type. Just don't be in pain, just don't suffer anymore.

Relax.

The thing that I've found is that relaxing, and letting go, and getting unstuck all take a lot of work. I have to really concentrate and listen to my body to even feel the muscle that I'm holding in the first place, and then I have to concentrate even more in order to consciously and actively let it go. It's hard work, and the even harder part about it is that it's the opposite kind of work that got the tension in there in the first place. Instead of forcing, I have to soften. Instead of trying, I have to actively not try. I have to trust my muscles to intuitively know where they are supposed to be in relation to my bones and organs. I have to trust my body to put itself back together the way it's supposed to be.

Relax.

Trust.

Get unstuck.

It takes effort, and then it has to be effortless.

Maybe our lives are that way too: maybe if we listen for a pattern that causes misunderstanding and allow ourselves to avoid getting swept up in it just one time, maybe something will loosen up in our relationship or our job or our sense of self. Maybe?

We can start with the body: make the effort, and relax.

The world is your jungle gym

2008-09-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

Having a practice that does not require any equipment - dance, yoga, martial arts, running barefoot, and meditation all come to mind - means that no matter where you go, you can get in your body. You can always stretch, always move, always rest. The fact that feeling good is always available to us doesn't mean that we always do, or that we always try.

I've been thinking about this lately. Riding my bike is yoga, practicing massage is yoga,gardening is yoga. Riding my bike I can stretch up from my tailbone through my back, neck, and the top of my head to feel more comfortable and ride longer. Practicing massage I can work from postures that make my body feel stronger and more relaxed. Gardening I can squat and stretch my muscles as I strengthen others. Here's the kicker though: sitting here typing on my computer is also yoga: I can make adjustments in how I'm sitting and how I position the computer to use my muscles more effectively and put no pressure on my joints. As I write this I am sitting up straighter to take the tension out of my lower back. I just dropped my shoulders about half an inch, realizing that I was holding them up by my ears. There's more though. I have the option to tinker with where and how I sit, mouse, and type until I am adding no tension to my body and I can write forever. As it is I can't stay on a computer for too long: I stop and walk or stretch or make some food to let my body align itself back up the way it wants to be.

Our bodies want to be strong and healthy. Think about what you are doing for the most amount of waking hours every day. Where is your body when you do that thing? Can you do anything to make yourself more comfortable while you sit at your computer? Drive in your car? Eat? Watch television? Which activities that you do are making your body uncomfortable? Can you change them or spend less time doing them? Is there anything you do at a computer or in a car that you could avoid entirely? Could you meet with a person face to face or walk down the street to run an errand?

Here is the truth: you never have to make yourself uncomfortable; It's always your body and it is always your choice what you do with it. Take long breaks from the things that seem to put discomfort into your body. Find a more comfortable way to accomplish your desired goal. Listen to your body... have fun in there! It's your one little container you've got to carry around your soul and your emotions and all those thoughts in your head, it might as well feel good, right?

If you are uncomfortable at work and then you go to the gym to work out or practice yoga or get a massage, good for you; that's a great start. I encourage you to think about your body all day, though; we're in our bodies always, not just during "this is when I care for my body" time. How can we make our whole lives a workout? One that makes us strong, flexible, healthier, and full of more life, beauty and potential.

I'm working on it. Often it means that I make decisions that feel strange at first to myself or my family or peers, ("What do you mean you just can't work in front of a computer for forty hours a week?") but I am investing in something that will be paying dividends for the rest of my life. Dividends in the form of a healthy body, and also, surprisingly to me, in the form of a healthier feeling and better functioning mind, and spiritual and emotional life. The more I learn to listen to my body the more I become sensitive to the other things going on inside of me and in the world around me.

Just take care of your body and your body will take care of you. You have to be in your body all the time, and at any time you have the option to stop and say, "Am I comfortable? What can I adjust? How can I feel better?" then make the adjustment. Find a place where you can learn athletics without equipment: a yoga or martial arts class is a great start, and be picky until you find an instructor that makes you feel that you can do it ANYWHERE at ANY TIME. You don't need a mat or a foam prop or a fancy belt to help you stretch or get stronger. All you need is your body, gravity, and the ground.

Wow, perfect. Nina Simone is singing "Got Life" on my little stereo. No matter where life takes us, we've always got the body. What a blessing!

Descriptions

2008-09-10T14:40:00.001-07:00

Here is a readers' digest version of my interpretation of the three forms of bodywork I borrow from most heavily as I create a massage session for a client:

-Shiatsu massage is a Japanese form of bodywork using pressure with the therapist's hands. It is practiced on a mat on the floor or on a massage table. Shiatsu can be done over clothes, over a sheet, or directly on the skin and can range from comforting and soothing to deep and athletic.

-Craniosacral therapy is a still, holding form of bodywork that allows for deep release from the inside out. The client lies clothed, face up on a table and the therapist places their hands gently along the spine and at different points on the head. From these positions the bones and structural parts of the clients body begin to unwind and find proper alignment and core-level relaxation.

-Deep Swedish blends the best of Deep Tissue and Swedish massage. Swedish, also known as Esalen massage, is the most well known Western form of massage and is practiced with lotion on the skin to calm and sooth the body and central nervous system. Deep Tissue focuses on the many anatomical layers of the body and uses specific pressure to break up adhesions and allow for recovery from tension.

In the end, it's all about receiving exactly what you need at the moment, and just as in life what we need or how we feel varies from moment to moment, a client's needs are going to change from session to session and even from moment to moment in a session. It is a wonder-full journey to have and to learn so many technical tools to pull from to improvise a wonderful massage.

I begin

2008-09-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

I just confirmed it with my business partner: I am opening a studio in Oakland! Now all the classes and working at the spas and the meditation and study and healing I've done in my own body will be put to the test, and Oh, how I've been longing for a test.

I have loved, absolutely adored, these last two years of prayer and contemplation. I feel I have been given a gift: I learned how to live as simply as I could and work as little as I could and spend all the rest of my time simply Listening. Well, getting still took the longest part, and then listening. I could stretch all afternoon in my room, or garden all day in my backyard, start a job and quit it, or leave town for as long as I wanted. Take any class, make any friends, and eat all the best food thanks to my amazing farmer friends (bless you!). As long as I was working enough to pay my bills, or enough to pay off the credit card debt that would often creep and then subside, I have been doing fine.

Now through all that joyful resting, I learned that there is something organically occurring in ME that desires to work, with passion and with a purpose. I had to sift past all the societal expectations (they sounded something like, "Go wear a button-down shirt and push buttons on a computer and get some points on your scoreboard called money!") and sit and sometimes mope, but always keep resting until I finally found the voice that sounds like authentically me and is ready to move forward. I understand that to move forward I will have to work hard and maybe wake up really early or even try harder than is comfortable for a while. I can do this for two reasons: I have learned that I want it, and I have learned how to rest and replenish myself.

So WHAT do I want? I want to sustain my life financially by working with clients to help them achieve the most health they can in their body. I am a massage therapist, now I want to earn my living doing it. And I will still pursue all of the rest of it: gardening and prayer and meditation and proper eating and sustainable relationships and yoga and movement; all these things join together to create life and wholeness in me, and maybe the more I learn the more I can pass on to someone else some day. Today, though, I will learn and study and practice massage, and maybe help a few people live in to more fullness. Maybe one of those people will be me.