Can living our dream be good for our health?

On first glance the answer is yes, it must be.

Right? If I am in the sweet spot of doing what I love and making a living doing it, I would imagine that my anxiety and worry would decrease, my skin and hair would glow, and my relationships would improve in direct response to the calm feeling of contentment I would have from making a positive difference in my community while putting my skills to use.

So why does it sound so stressful? I listened to a conversation of three journalists today who are each doing exactly the work they were cut out to do. They talked about the junk food they eat while rushing to finish a story, or the fact that they drop whatever they are doing to cover an important story, and how they are often rushing from place to place. It sounded horrible, and exactly like the kind of thing that would destroy a person’s day-to-day health, lower their quality of life, and shorten the length of it to boot.

The thing is, these people are glowing. I’m sure they could all integrate healthier practices into their lives, just like we all could, but I’m not sure they would be healthier with a more predictable schedule. We were each made to thrive in a specific milieu, and it’s up to us to find it.

…and then be as vibrant as we can be.

travel

I am on the craziest adventure I can think of: move out of a beautiful home we couldn't afford in Los Angeles into my husband's parents' house for free rent in a city I had never heard of before I met them. Nothing but a possibly impossible plan about where we'll be next, and when, and how we will finance our lives once we get there.

I am very nervous. Very excited. Looking to share my stories as I go and also worried about being too much of an online Diarist who shares too much of the intimate. Fear and worry are powerful things. I can be brave. I can be kind. I am strong.

more to come?

the in between

hours after work and still hours until the party. no reason to start getting dressed, yet no reason to start on another project, knowing that Staying Out Late is a big expenditure of energy. it's like the space between breathing in and breathing out. when we're full and ready to move on in a moment. content, and also excited.

changing and staying the same

For so long I identified as A Free Little Bird, a swallow/"golandrina", and I would fly wherever I wanted and listen to my instincts and learn from life all the time.  Now it feels like all of a sudden I have this big ol' house and these amazing housemates and my little plum tree and I just don't want to go ANYWHERE.  Thank you, Universe, for that.  I get to sit and press my roots as deep down as I can, and draw up the life and nutrients that come from Sinking In.  I have made new relationships and sunk more deeply into older ones.  I feel like my little world could nourish me forever right where I am and I would continue to grow and be challenged and all of that forever.

Except for the fact that the time for change is coming.  The call to action actually came a couple of months ago, but I listened to the call of Unfinished Business and I have decided to start my metamorphosis while staying in place, then moving away once the sun thaws me out a bit.

Adventure!

Why do we go?  Why do we ever stay?  How do we know when is the time for each?

Sometimes I know how to Listen: listen to my own body and emotions, listen to the plants and people around me.  More often though, I simply worry: worry that things are not quite right, that there must be something more Awesome out there.  Worrying, I will tell you, totally gets in the way of Listening.  This time though, Life stood up and smacked me across the head and said, "Get a move on, girl, you're ready for something new now!" and I was like, "Daaaaang, World, alright already!" and that, basically, is why I'm moving.  That whole conversation took about three months.  Like I said, I'm working on listening.

Again I ask: why do we go seek adventure?  Isn't everything we need to know right here in front of us?  In our own mothers and fathers, in the food we grew up eating and the air we have always breathed?  I would say yes, it is.  For me, changing my context simply means that I can suddenly See and appreciate all those little things that I always took for granted at Home.  The subtle different reminds me how special is the Mundane.  I guess it's just time for a reminder, to awaken my sense of Wonder at Everything.

At the same time, in a way, this coming adventure will be a journey towards Home, and not away.  Even though I will move away from the people and places I most identify with as a part of me and as my community, I will be moving far closer to the land I walked and rode a bike (and mostly drove in cars) on in my childhood.  Closer to the culture of Image Awareness and Fitting In I so easily dismissed as a younger woman, and now am looking forward to engaging with and Looking at square in the face.

What will happen to my Path as a healer and a lover of Health and healing and human bodies?  I have lots of guesses, and lots of plans, and lots of acknowledgement that my life is not my own and I don't need to hold on to it so tightly if I don't want to.  I will keep learning, I will keep growing, I will keep touching other people and stay open to the movement of the Creator in my own little life and in Life all around me, and all of us will see together what happens to each of us, okay?  

Life is exciting!

beautiful

Maybe beautiful on the inside takes work too.

I grew up in a culture of high image consciousness, and in response to this, my friends and I decided to be beautiful. We spent time and energy learning how to look attractive to others and then putting our new knowledge into practice: styling hair, painting finger- and toenails, applying makeup, plucking eyebrows, wearing the right clothes, and just as importantly, making sure that it all looked natural and lovely and like we had just fallen out of bed looking so incredibly good. It took a lot of time, but it was worth it for the smiles and "isn't she lovely"s we got from the people around us.

Over the past couple of years it has become just as important to me to be beautiful beneath my skin: to have healthy cells that make up healthy muscles, bones, and viscera. To be calm and at peace in my mind and with the people around me.

As I started to spend more time and energy into these goals, I realized that I didn't have time for both sides: to focus on the inside and the outside all at once. I would catch myself in a mirror or (worse!) in a photograph and laugh at the girl I saw who looked just like a human, and not some fascinating and inspiring walking art project.

The longer I go on this healing path, though, the more I realize two things:

1. There is indeed time for both. Since I have decided to live an urban life and surround myself with people and what I think are their expectations of how a person should look, I can take the time and still play that game. Even though I'm usually still not willing to go to all the effort on preparing my personal appearance, I can feel that there is time to take care of myself and have fun with how I present myself to the world. Sometimes it will mean a little give and take with where and when I meditate or stretch, but I am finding that there can be room for both if I'm willing to be creative.

2. The health coming from the inside can actually make us more beautiful on the outside. People see and respond to the colors and shapes of a healthy human: that is ostensibly why we're wearing that makeup in the first place, right? It's a tricky one, because I know that I would not be comfortable to roll out to a fancy party with my comfortable massage/bike riding clothes on and smile and say, "don't I look pretty?" but there is something to it. Often the clothes and the hair are a signifier that we care enough to do a lot of work to get ready for an event, but what about the countless hours spent becoming centered and well?

Chances are very good that I'm not the best one to prove this second point. That the little experiment of my own life might never lead to the same results that having a great "look" used to get me. Somebody can though. People that I know: you can see the peace in their heart and the joy in their life and even the alignment of their spine and you know that they are beautiful indeed.

Give it a try: just take a little bit of all that time and energy you put on your outward appearance and apply it to the inner You. Whether that means time for rest and reflexion, preparing a healthy meal, stretching in your living room, getting bodywork, or whatever else you know you need. Do it, and see if it doesn't shine through for you. You'll be a little healthier, and maybe that health will make itself known on the outside too.