convicted

Why is it that we so often do the very thing that frustrates us most in others? One thing that I admire most is that people practice what they preach. My confession is that I have not been doing that, in fact I've actually been doing the opposite. In short, I have not been getting regular bodywork. Let me explain:

Here's what I preach: I encourage my clients to get massage regularly. The structure of my massage practice is to work on fewer clients more often. After four years as a massage therapist I see how regular bodywork can allow for lasting, sustainable benefits for Western people, so I offer steep discounts for folks when they come in for four bodywork sessions over two months. This is working great: people are coming in regularly and integrating the work deeply in to their systems, letting their bodies trust that they are supported.

In the meantime, in practice I am not getting work regularly! I more than anyone should know that regular massage helps our whole system work by watching it affect the lives of my clients. I also know from experience that getting massage consistently helps everything in my life work better: less tension, more mental clarity, more vitality!

This confessional post is to hold me accountable: I will spend the next few months exploring different practitioners and modalities, and then settle in with one therapist and go on my own journey from the receiving side, which will only make me a better practitioner, and a better liver of life!

integrating

I am aware of many blessings: I am practicing a blend of shiatsu and Thai massage in my beautiful home studio in Santa Cruz, I am studying the human body from a Western perspective in Biology and Health Science classes, and I am preparing for graduate school in Public Health.

It feels like the wildly divergent aspects of my life are coming together. Things that always made sense to me as part of a balance life manifested themselves in disjointed workweeks: a couple of days each in massage therapy, low-income public education, and farmers' markets. Now I get to research and write about how large-scale cultural trends in diet, behavior, and the spread of ideas manifest themselves along a spectrum of health and dis-ease among populations. In that time I will keep practicing bodywork, and then have the privilege of sharing the information that my education has given me: living it with a lifelong self-care practice, and spreading it via education and written works about how to live our best possible life. It's all coming together!

I will move from speaking from what has worked in my own life and experience to a position of what has worked to promote health in bigger groups. I am aware of what a shift like that might mean: that for a minute there I may begin to say, "now EVERYONE needs to do this or that." I am also trusting that the amount of time I spend checking in with my intuition and my body to make the right choices in my life (see what do you want?, make a joyful noise, and pretty much anything else I wrote in 2008) is going to pay off in being able to move through that phase into one that says, "statistically, a community should be doing X, and how can you see if that is a good choice for you personally?" I will constantly approach new bridges and find new options for synergy in my own life and philosophy, as well as opportunities to try on divergent mindsets for different occasions until I see how and when to employ one or the other.

Integration. Education, purpose, renewal. These are the words that are coming in to my mind as I sink in to Fall, and continue on my path.

Final Months

At the end of this summer I will move to Santa Cruz and continue my journey as a student and practitioner of the healing arts. I have been deeply nourished by my time in Oakland, both personally and as a massage therapist. Over the last four years I have had my studio and massage school less than a mile from my home, and I have sunk in with my neighborhood. I have only two months left to practice massage here and share with the community that has taught me so much, and it is with deep respect and joy that I am practicing here with you.

Thank you for a lovely ride, Oakland!

Sarah Eve

oh yeah!

I rode 29.2 miles on my bike yesterday. All I needed was an excuse to do it, as it turns out. I was registered for the solvang half century just a few days ago, and though I know it's just two weeks away, something tells me I will start the race and I will finish it. If I can ride 30 miles without going further than the grocery store for almost six months, I know I can go 50 with a few long rides under my belt. Here goes nothin!

On the up and up

Like a weight lifted, I can breathe again. Even though so much is still to be decided for our future, one thing is finally solid, and I can build a structure around that.

Who else do you know who has lost jobs? Who else has had their plans changed dramatically in the past two years? I would love to share stories of hope and healing.

At first it felt like, why write? Why write if I am not speaking from the centered, grounded life that feels the most comfortable to me? Why write if my life is all over the place and nothing makes sense?

This is the juicy moment though. Remember that early post, into the pain? In the difficult moments is where I learn the tools to do well at life. What is working? What feels off? Why do I think that is? What are my natural healing mechanisms?

Sleep. I have been going to bed at reasonable times and staying in bed for hours and hours after the sun has come up. My body is using this time to get into some deep rest and have some bright, vibrant dreams, so much easier for me to remember in the morning. Even as a niggling voice is suggesting, "start getting up and doing something in the morning!" as long as I'm NOT getting up, I might as well get the most out of it. I figure at this point I have two options: sleep in and feel guilty about it, or sleep in and feel amazing every day, grateful for all that luxurious rest. Which one sounds the healthiest to you?

Herbs. I love to incorporate herbs in my life: fresh ones in salads and cooking, and dried ones in teas or as seasoning. It feels good using potent medicinal foods as the things I would otherwise be eating or drinking anyway. Last week, though, I went to the store for two tinctures to use for the sole purpose of making me feel better. One to soothe my racing heart and mind and one to lift my spirits.

Sun. My new home has a patio with direct light every morning, and I sit with my toes in the sun and soak it in.

Things are looking brighter.

travel

I am on the craziest adventure I can think of: move out of a beautiful home we couldn't afford in Los Angeles into my husband's parents' house for free rent in a city I had never heard of before I met them. Nothing but a possibly impossible plan about where we'll be next, and when, and how we will finance our lives once we get there.

I am very nervous. Very excited. Looking to share my stories as I go and also worried about being too much of an online Diarist who shares too much of the intimate. Fear and worry are powerful things. I can be brave. I can be kind. I am strong.

more to come?