if you can touch, you can heal

A few people have asked me questions that might be answered in the following framework:

Let me teach you a little about what I do.

The offering:  you come in with someone you trust and want to make feel better.  I give you or your partner a massage/bodywork session*, explaining what I am doing and the choices I am making as I go along.  One of you gets the kinesthetic educational experience from feeling the work, one gets the visual educational experience of seeing it, and you both get the audio/intellectual experience of hearing it.  Both of you now know a little more about how to touch to heal.  Come next time if you want and switch places.

Same price as a regular massage ($70 for an hour $90 for ninety minutes).  The talking is free.

Come and see!

*Let me remind you that a number of the modalities I practice have the client fully clothed.  Based on what you wish to learn, we can do a Shiatsu/Reflexology/Craniosacral bodywork session entirely over clothes.  That way the receiving partner can still sit up to speak if they wish and we won't have to spend time on the more complicated skill of draping the sheet as it is done during Swedish massage.

be on your path

Dear readers,

I don't have the answers.

On rereading this blog, the tone of some of the posts struck me as if I thought I was sharing some kind of universal truth. Which is funny, because I don't believe in universal truth that any one person can know, and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't claim to be its speaker. I am writing to share what is working in my own experience with health and healing: in my own life and that of my clients, friends, confidantes, and family. My truth may be helpful to you, or it may not, and you, my friend, are the judge of that.

Your experience of what works for health and healing in your life will be different than mine. I am interested in yours just as I am interested in mine. I want to share and I want to learn as much as I can, always taking new information with a grain of salt, and integrating what resonates for me into my understanding of the world.

now:

A family member of one of my closest friends just got in a car accident and was severely injured. All of a sudden I have no ideas as to what would be best. Except to pray and to support my friend who is supporting her loved one.

Let's all get better as best we can, okay?

love from,

eve

beautiful

Maybe beautiful on the inside takes work too.

I grew up in a culture of high image consciousness, and in response to this, my friends and I decided to be beautiful. We spent time and energy learning how to look attractive to others and then putting our new knowledge into practice: styling hair, painting finger- and toenails, applying makeup, plucking eyebrows, wearing the right clothes, and just as importantly, making sure that it all looked natural and lovely and like we had just fallen out of bed looking so incredibly good. It took a lot of time, but it was worth it for the smiles and "isn't she lovely"s we got from the people around us.

Over the past couple of years it has become just as important to me to be beautiful beneath my skin: to have healthy cells that make up healthy muscles, bones, and viscera. To be calm and at peace in my mind and with the people around me.

As I started to spend more time and energy into these goals, I realized that I didn't have time for both sides: to focus on the inside and the outside all at once. I would catch myself in a mirror or (worse!) in a photograph and laugh at the girl I saw who looked just like a human, and not some fascinating and inspiring walking art project.

The longer I go on this healing path, though, the more I realize two things:

1. There is indeed time for both. Since I have decided to live an urban life and surround myself with people and what I think are their expectations of how a person should look, I can take the time and still play that game. Even though I'm usually still not willing to go to all the effort on preparing my personal appearance, I can feel that there is time to take care of myself and have fun with how I present myself to the world. Sometimes it will mean a little give and take with where and when I meditate or stretch, but I am finding that there can be room for both if I'm willing to be creative.

2. The health coming from the inside can actually make us more beautiful on the outside. People see and respond to the colors and shapes of a healthy human: that is ostensibly why we're wearing that makeup in the first place, right? It's a tricky one, because I know that I would not be comfortable to roll out to a fancy party with my comfortable massage/bike riding clothes on and smile and say, "don't I look pretty?" but there is something to it. Often the clothes and the hair are a signifier that we care enough to do a lot of work to get ready for an event, but what about the countless hours spent becoming centered and well?

Chances are very good that I'm not the best one to prove this second point. That the little experiment of my own life might never lead to the same results that having a great "look" used to get me. Somebody can though. People that I know: you can see the peace in their heart and the joy in their life and even the alignment of their spine and you know that they are beautiful indeed.

Give it a try: just take a little bit of all that time and energy you put on your outward appearance and apply it to the inner You. Whether that means time for rest and reflexion, preparing a healthy meal, stretching in your living room, getting bodywork, or whatever else you know you need. Do it, and see if it doesn't shine through for you. You'll be a little healthier, and maybe that health will make itself known on the outside too.

how to get what you want

After writing about all the wonderful things that getting a massage can do for you, I want to add more about how to help receive those benefits.  For some of us it is difficult to fully appreciate a massage because we don't have a lot of practice in how to relax: and letting go is always a practice.   

Safety and Comfort:

The one and only way to activate that "rest and digest" mode of operating in our body, the only way to let our muscles release pain and tension, and the only way to feel that increase of creativity is to be in an environment where we feel safe and comfortable.  Some therapists are wonderful at creating that environment while others are not, and some clients are wonderful at getting into that state very easily while the rest of us need more support.

Make sure your body is comfortable

We can always wiggle and move when receiving massage.  If our arm or leg or neck is in a funny position, we should move it until we are in a position where we can rest completely and allow the table to hold us up instead of feeling like we need to use our muscles to hold ourselves perfectly still.  The more we can relax into the table, the easier the therapist's job is, and the more healing work we can receive.  Even if we are receiving very high pressure, deep work, we need to be able to relax completely to let it in and get the benefit of the release.  

It sounds obvious to make sure our body is comfortable during a massage but I can't tell you how many times during the first several massages of my life I used to wonder to myself something like, "can I move my arm yet?" but not do it because I thought I was supposed to be perfectly still the whole time.  Not true!  Move until you are comfortable, and then let go.

Ask for what you want

A massage therapist is working on you because they want you to feel good.  So if you are distracted by the light, the music, the angle of the headrest, or even by the way the therapist is working, please, on behalf to all therapists let me beg you to say something!  A wonderful therapist on their best day will ask you all those things, and keep checking in with you, but sometimes we get so deep into our rhythm that we forget.  Ask!  We want you to be comfortable at least as much as you do, and even though as a client you may not want to muster that initial energy to say something, the result will be a more pleasant and relaxing experience for everyone.

That is especially true about asking a therapist to change the way they are working.  Feedback like, "Could you work lighter there?" "I feel like that area has had enough" "My right calf needs some more work" or whatever you want to ask for is only going to make the therapist's job easier in creating a relaxing environment for you.

Very rarely a therapist can be defensive: "Well I know it hurts but you've got to get that tension out of there."  In that case, it is the client who is right and therapist who is wrong.  Nothing in a massage should hurt in a way that makes you want the sensation to stop.  There's the therapeutic pain of, "Wow, that's a lot; I really needed that," but if something feels too deep or too fast to the recipient, then it is, no matter what the therapist might think.  In the rare case that a therapist doesn't want to respond to your feedback, feel free to calmly and lovingly end the massage.  Any spa or massage professional I have ever met will gladly refund your money and/or reschedule you with another therapist who will be a better fit for you.  That way you can get into that safe, comfortable mode and receive the full mind/body/spirit benefits of having a massage.

Make all the noise you want

If you need to laugh or heave a deep sigh of relief on a massage table, or even shout in surprise or burst into tears of emotion, just go on ahead and do it.  The energy we spend by holding back those noises just helps keep the tension in place in our body instead of letting it go.  By making the noise, we allow ourselves the chance to heal, and we give our therapist a better understanding of the healing that is taking place.

Take the deep sigh, for example.  That often seems to me to be the very sound of tension as it leaves the body.  So by making that sigh, we are encouraging the muscle to release as well as sending a reminder to our conscious mind that something important is happening, which will allow the muscle to maintain that relaxed state longer.  Another thing sighing does is send a message to the therapist about when, where and how we let go of tension.  This communication allows the therapist that their work is effective as well as giving them clues of how to keep working on you most efficiently.

Any noise you make helps the body release and heal and also sends feedback to the the therapist about what is working in the session.  Give it a try.

Even if you have to fart!  It's honestly better to just do it than to hold it back.  What happens when we get on a massage table and start to relax is our digestive system starts to work more properly than it did before, so that's why so many people feel they have to hold back gas.  If it helps you to giggle or mention it to the therapist, go ahead, but trust me, they've experienced it before, and they know how to deal with it.  Once you're not clenching the cheeks of your glute muscles, you'll be able to get a better massage and the therapist won't have to spend the whole session wondering, "I wonder why I just can't get this client to relax."  I know it sounds silly, but it's better than spending an entire ninety minute session in agony.

Move and get comfortable, ask for what you want, and make all the noise you need.  Then let go, and let your body heal you from the inside out!

get a massage

Get one.   It's so obvious, right?  The benefits are numerous, and many can't be articulated in words, but let me do my best to describe what happens when we get a massage:

Time to let the body heal:

First off, there is the simple fact that for a whole session, be it ninety minutes, or sixty, or fifteen, there is nothing we have to do but receive.  What a relief!  The less we can actively "do" during a massage session, the more fully we can reap the benefits of what we've come for.  This practice of not-doing activates the parasympathetic nervous system/puts us in "rest and digest" mode, and from there our body can do what it was made to do: move food and fluids effectively, and scan itself for areas of infection or dis-ease in order to flush out weakened tissue.  We are self-healing machines!  All we have to do is give ourselves time to do what already do well.  This leads to better digestion and a healthier immune system: more protection from the flus and colds that attack our friends and co-workers.

For me, that right there is enough, and there's more!

Freedom from pain:

Another thing that happens during a massage is areas of tension in our muscles break down under the therapist's hands.  This is probably the most commonly shared phenomenon while receiving massage.  That feeling of pressure going over a speed bump in my shoulders and then noticing that the speed bump is gone.  Substances such as lactic acid can move from being locked up in my soft tissue to moving freely through the body as they should.  Suddenly I feel light and flexible in areas that had felt tight and painful. 

Enhanced creativity and better insight into problems:

When we take a break from worry about our cares and responsibilities, our minds are free to come up with new and creative ways to solve the puzzles and problems of our lives.  When we know that we are safe, a new form of insight can come to us, even if it doesn't happen on the table.  It may be days or weeks later, but after we've had a chance to let go for a moment like we can on a massage table, a formerly impossible situation may suddenly seem to resolve itself, the solution is so obvious.

As I write and reread this, it feels like I'm making unreasonably marvelous claims about the benefits of massage, but the only reason I say these things is that I've felt it happen in my own life so many times, and I have watched it happen over and over in the bodies, minds and lives of my own clients.  I have seen how the simple act of attending to the health of a person with my hands, or receive that kind of work, simply makes my life better.  I feel healthier and free from pain, I make better decisions, I have more fun in my body.  

Go get some work.  And let me know how you feel.

yawn

I have been thinking about the "breath" post and how it takes so much effort and concentration to actually focus and release like that, and how rarely we stop and take the time to do it.

One release, though, which we can't avoid no matter how hard we try, is a yawn. The air forces itself into our bodies and demands that we take in the oxygen and let go of the tension and toxins, if only for a moment.

The next time you yawn, I invite you to feel the release that comes directly after. It comes the most strong in the head and neck: feel it open up, find the tightness, and let it go.

You know how yawns are contagious? Thinking and writing about it I just caught one. Pass it on.

dance it out

It's interesting to me that the culture I know has all but lost the art of dancing with specific steps.  In my experience one has to go way out of their way to find a class or a space to do this, and then the demographic seems to be a group of people holding on to the past and there will hardly be a new, young person there to learn and carry on the tradition.

Dancing with steps is awesome.  So is studying yoga or a martial art form.  Training your mind and body to move in ways it otherwise would not otherwise consider allows us to stretch and grow in the possibility of what we are capable of.

Dancing without steps is also awesome, especially as a compliment to a more specific form.  This is what you find at the dance clubs, rock shows and house parties I've grown up with.  A DJ sets a framework by choosing certain songs with certain beats, and then everyone at the party simply moves their bodies... oh, wonder!

Rather than forcing or training the body, what freestyle danceparty dancing allows us to do is let go of our mind and let our body figure out what it needs.  Do the shoulders need to be shaken out? Does the tailbone need to dislodge itself a little from the lower vertebrae? Do I want to bend and strengthen my legs? Get my hands on the floor to breakdance and retrain my vertical thinking?  Do it!  Even: Do I want to get close to another human or define my personal space more widely with the use my arms and movements?

Now I've heard that once one becomes highly trained and comfortable within a certain dance or form, following the rules of those moves can actually also lead to similar release and freedom.  For now, as I awkwardly study my form, I am glad I can always go to a dancefloor and shake it out with an accidental, intuitive movement-based healing session.

Shake it.